Yes, ma’am — no, sir — how early is too early to arrive at a party, and do I really have to handwrite a thank-you note for a birthday gift?

We’re taking all the manners, etiquette, and hospitality questions to Cheyenne Huber, founder and lead etiquette coach at Magnolia Manners, a Charleston-based etiquette coaching service that provides tailored instruction for all ages on navigating social, dining, and everyday settings.

What are some etiquette traditions that feel especially "Charleston" to you?

I think tradition is beautiful. And while it is true that etiquette, at its core, is just empathy in action, and that manners were never meant to be rigid or stuffy, there are certain traditions that deserve respect and remain relevant today. The one that feels especially "Charleston" to me is the receiving line. There's something so Charleston about the refusal to let anyone slip in or out unnoticed. At weddings, at church, at the door of a party — you're greeted, by name, one at a time, hand in hand. It's a small ceremony of “we see you, and we're glad you came.” In a world where we're all half-waving across crowded rooms, standing still long enough to actually welcome each person feels almost radical — and very much like home.

Is the idea of Southern hospitality still relevant today?

More than ever — it just gets misread as performance. Real hospitality was never about matching napkins or an impressive tablescape, although those are things I particularly enjoy. It's the practice of making another person feel expected and at ease. That's empathy with a place setting. As long as people still feel unsure walking into a room, hospitality has a job to do.

What's one Charleston social custom you wish more newcomers knew?

The gentle art of "Miss" and "Mr." Somewhere between the buttoned-up "Mrs. Whitfield" and a bare first name lives the Charleston sweet spot: "Miss Susan," "Mr. Charlie." It's how a child addresses a grown-up, how a younger neighbor greets an older one, and sometimes how good friends of different generations speak to each other for years. Newcomers occasionally find it formal, but there's real tenderness in it — affection and respect in the same breath. And the "yes ma'am" and "yes sir" that go with it aren't stiffness or subservience. They're just our shorthand for "I see you" and "what you're saying matters to me." Instructing someone's child or correcting someone about using the address is also inappropriate. Parents here who raised their children to use it will often have to correct their children later and remind them to continue doing so. Instead of making a parent "undo" their parenting, it is more generous to allow it, with the understanding that it's not said as a formality but as a sign of respect and care — a key part of Charleston's culture.

What are some manners that have stood the test of time — and which ones should we retire?

Some etiquette is most definitely worth keeping, such as sending a thank-you note, offering a warm introduction, arriving with something in hand for your host, and putting your phone away when someone is right in front of you. These are the small kindnesses that never go out of style. But some rules are ready to retire — the rigid ones that exist to trip people up rather than welcome them in — none of that is hospitality. I always tell my clients that it is bad manners to correct bad manners.

A few specific ones I'm delighted to put to rest: No, you cannot wear white after Labor Day — except that you absolutely can, and always could, so wear it in good health. The idea that a woman can't wear black to a wedding? Long gone — black is lovely, and you'll be in good company. And that "polite bite" you're supposed to leave on your plate to prove you're satisfied? Please, clean your plate if the meal was good. An empty plate isn't bad manners — it's the sincerest compliment you can pay your host.

Charleston has plenty of weddings, cocktail parties, galas and porch gatherings. What's one etiquette rule that applies to all of them?

RSVP, and mean it. Whether it's a black-tie gala or a Tuesday porch sit, telling your host yes or no — promptly, honestly, and then honoring it — is the single kindest thing you can do. Every host is counting chairs, food, and their own nerves. A clear answer is a gift.

What's the most common etiquette faux pas you see at social events?

Talking at people instead of with them. The phone comes out, the eyes drift over a shoulder looking for someone better to talk to, the questions stop, or never existed at all in many one-sided conversations. Good manners at a party come down to one thing: making the person in front of you feel like the most interesting person in the room for those few minutes.

You're invited to a Charleston dinner party. What are the five things you absolutely should not do?

Don't arrive empty-handed — bring a small something for the host, even a note. Editor's pick: I'd take a bottle of red from Graft or a candle from Charleston Candle Co., along with a handwritten note on stationery from The Paper Canopy.
Don't show up wildly early or notably late. Aim for right on time to ten minutes after.
Don't ignore the seating your host arranged — they thought about it.
Don't be the guest glued to your phone at the table.
Don't overstay — read the room, and leave while everyone still wishes you'd stay a little longer.

What's one piece of etiquette advice you'd give every Charleston newcomer?

Slow down and speak to people. Charleston moves on beach time at the pace of a front-porch conversation, and the fastest way to belong here is to stop treating small kindnesses as things to get through. Say hello, write the note, linger a beat longer than feels efficient. That's not old-fashioned — it's how a place stays warm.