Throughout Olympics history, there have been dynasties — sustained runs of top-of-the-podium success for countries in a specific sport. Think China and diving, Jamaica and sprinting, or the United States and basketball.

It got us thinking, what are the events where Portlanders could take home gold year after year? And yes, we know these sports aren’t IOC-certified… yet.

Beer Mile

Picture it, a runner adorned in Nike jogs into Providence Park, an ice cold IPA in one hand and a flaming torch in the other. They chug down the brew in a single gulp while simultaneously lighting the Olympic cauldron to begin the Portland Olympic Games. Competitors in the Beer Mile shiver in the stands, knowing they don't have a chance in this race where contestants drink a 355 ml beer (5% minimum ABV) every quarter mile.

Dragon Boat Racing

Much like existing rowing events, this sport requires rhythm and stamina, but there are several key distinctions. First, the vibrantly colored boats are carved like mythical beasts. Second, paddlers sit in pairs facing forward. Obviously, the rivalry with opponents from Taiwan and Hong Kong would be fierce, but we like our chances.

Pole Dancing

Clothed, let's just get that out of the way. Again, participants will be dressed as they show off feats of strength and intricate choreography featuring transitions, spins, and climbs on the vertical bar. With our city's local talent and classes for athletes to train, the journey to the top should be a swift one.